HUMOR

or

Interesting Observations

 

• A flashlight is an interesting case for dead batteries
• A conclusion is simply the place you got tired of thinking
• Its better to understand a little, than to misunderstand a lot
• "I don't have a solution, but I admire the problem"
• Remember, the last person to arrive at an emergency usually gets to watch...
• The size of the problem is always inverse in proportion to the assets available to correct it
• If its late, you're tired, you're hungry, and you have to pee; something bad is going to happen...so make sure to sleep, eat and pee
• If its a stupid idea and it works, its not stupid
• He who does the least work, always gets interviewed on TV

Ten Commandments of Emergency Vehicle Operation

1. Thou shalt treat thy pumper as though it were your firstborn child.

2. Blow thy siren and shine thy light with great vigor enroute.

3. Know where thy goest at all times.

4. Be certain all those in attendance are affixed prior to venturing forth.

5. Thou shalt arriveth shiny side up.

6. Be ever so humble when thy mike is keyed.

7. Thou shalt not leave thy station 'til thy door is openeth.

8. Thou shalt not closeth thy bay door too soon.

9. Thou shalt closeth all compartment doors when thou art done.

10. Thou shalt never chastise thy driver for making a wrong turn when it results in a Return to Quarters.

You Might be a Redneck Volunteer Firefighter (or para-god) if.....

• Your two way radio transmissions all begin with "Breaker, Breaker"
• You have ever been dispatched to a working "cow" fire
• You ever put out a cow chip fire
  Your PASS alarm goes "Yeee Haw"
• You dispatch center ever said "Y'all can't miss it"
• You used your rescue air bags as furniture at the fire station
• You refill your air bottles at the local gas station "Free Air" hose
• Your department has a Rescue Bubba and a Rescue Cow for training
• You only wash down the floor in the station to "keep the dust down"
• Your radio call signal is "Wheee doggies"
• You have to mark the department out of service two weeks during deer season and every Sunday during the Winston Cup Race
• You bought a computer so you could get NASCAR Online on the Internet
• You count reading fire magazines in the bathroom as training hours
• Your last four fire department raffles were for a shotgun...and a member won it each time.
• You borrowed the department's quick dump tank so you could have a neighborhood pool party
• Your safety officer is the person who broke his arm at the last house fire
• Your rehab consists of a Dr. Pepper and a bag of "pigskins"
• Your last serious fire was your fire department BBQ
• You used your "good" fire hose as a bumper on your boat dock
• You have a shotgun rack in the back of your fire truck....and got two bucks on your last call
  Your Hurst tool is on loan to the local body shop
• You don't allow a person to join the department unless they own a pickup
• You wore a hole in your fire boots....while wearing them at your full time job
• You keep 2 packs of "Red Man" in your turnout gear for "emergencies"
• Your departments brush truck doubles as your hunting truck
• You voted against the last person for chief because he was a Gordon fan
• You painted your new rescue truck to look like Earnhardt's race car
• You borrowed the fire truck to use the spotlights for deer hunting
• The directions to your last house fire was "Go down past the last house you burnt up"....and you know exactly which house they are talking about
• You ever went diving in a swimming pool with your SCBA equipment.....just to see how it would work
• You must take the battery out of your tractor to put in the fire truck before you go on calls
• Your preacher borrows your PASS alarms each Sunday for church to keep the congregation awake
• You consider "2 in and 2 out" to be two guys in the cab and two on the tailboard of the truck
• The last girl you kissed was named Rescue-Annie and you enjoyed it so much you are thinking seriously about asking her out
• Your department has ever had two emergency vehicles pulled over for drag racing while going to a scene
• Your firehouse has wheels
• You've ever got back and found you've locked yourself out of the firehouse
• You've ever let a person's house burn down because they wouldn't let you hunt there ground
• Your personal vehicle has more lights on it than your house has lights in it
• You've ever walked through a Christmas display and walked away with at least 3 new ideas for a light scheme for your truck
• Your rescue truck can smoke the tires
• Your department's name is misspelled on your equipment
• Dispatch can't mention your name without laughing
• You've ever locked the keys in your trucks
• You've ever referred to a light bar as sexy
• Your defibrillator consists of a marine battery, a pair of jumper cables, and a fish finder
• You've ever taken a girl out in a pumper
• Your pumper has been on fire more times than it's been to a fire
• Your pumper smokes more than the house fire
• You've ever been arrested for indecent exposure at a house fire
• You've ever been late to a house fire because you had to stop and get the guy who fell off the truck
• You've ever stopped in route to pick up a road kill
• You hand out spit cans before each meeting
• You have a sign out front of your station that says will fight fires for beer
• Your equipment has chew stains down the sides of 'em
  Everyone on your department is related in some way or another
• Your annual vacation plans depend on where the state EMS conference is held.
• You have as many ambulances in town as you do EMTs.
• You thought your first ambulance " run " would be a 5K.
• You think that the ABCs stand for " Always Being on Call. "
• When you are unsure of which pager went off and what you were on call for.
• Your patient is standing at the curb with suitcase in hand waiting for a ride.
• Your patients are either family or friends, but maybe not both.

 

Ideas of Philip Yarbrough, collected through time and experience. None of these are intentionally a copy of another work, and if there is a similarity, it is entirely due to the authors loss of memory. I do note that the Ten Commandments generated from the Volunteer Firefighter Canada Webpage.